Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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