"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
