You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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