drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
