i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
