i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
