On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We need to get me chipped asap
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
