Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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