maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
