Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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