had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
