I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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