census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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