Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think my moral compass just broke
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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