question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
