This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
