Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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