i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize