What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
