Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
