I'm so fucking centered right now
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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