every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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