He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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