one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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