Cold hands, warm shart.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize