If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
