He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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