Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
