By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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