Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
