sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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