i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
