Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
