I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I queefed so loud it echoed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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