In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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