Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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