Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
