Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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