I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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