he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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