I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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