I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
