I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just had sex on a roof
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
