My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
