i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
