We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize