Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
