After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
