dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You pole danced in your parka.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
