On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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