I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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