i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
