Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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