so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm too high and old for this...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
