Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize