i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
