the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
