Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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