I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
