im drinking this country out of the recession.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
