I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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