you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
