DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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