It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
